But have you ever tried eating tandoori chicken?

Recently I read an article on NPR about the attitudes of vegetarians towards people who eat non-vegetarian food.Vegans or the pseudo vegans (those who consume animal products like milk, cheese etc.) consider themselves to be on the moral high ground.They look down on non-vegetarians. Being Indian the case is special for me. India is a  where the percentage of vegetarian population is unusually high (It is around 30%  compared to 2-3% in other parts of the world). So bumping into one is not very uncommon.

  “Dude! you are eating shit! That piece of shit was living! Don’t you have a heart?"

I feel insulted. That is my food you are talking about! Anyways, even If I try to resuscitate the chicken would it come alive? My only reaction to this would be “But have you ever tried eating tandoori chicken?” and anyways the chicken has a heart too and its tasty…

Most of the people try to spread vegetarianism by showing you gruesome videos of cows, chickens and ducks being slaughtered in pool of blood.

YES! I GET IT! The videos that are shown people killing animals are gruesome…the sight of blood, the stink of flesh is awful. Did you ever try to think why it is that you feel it is gruesome? May be you are built that way! “But have you ever tried eating tandoori chicken?”

Even plants have life. Do you think god made them for your consumption? I don’t think so…..

When you are eating  bread you actually grind and eat the live embryos of wheat!

One bread will have about a million seeds! Killing one seed is better or million?

I eat bread too, “But have you ever tried eating tandoori chicken?”

Only explanation the vegetarians would give me is that the plants are made to be eaten! Gods have made plants so that you can eat. Even your shit would be vegetarian!

I say F#$k the science! What has science ever done for me? Who gives a damn about the canine you have? What about the milk you consume? Yes, god made cows for you so that you can drink its milk!

Some explanations are also humorous. “Vegetarians eat only parts of plants and not the full plant”

I could say the same thing “I eat only the leg piece” If you ever come across a chicken with one leg, most probably its me!  

Vegetarians would always give you examples of great people who are vegetarians. Albert Einstein, Pamela Anderson, Lalu Prasad Yadav and Hitler.

I can give you examples of great people who are non-vegetarians… "ME" !

Each of the groups below think they are morally superior to others:

Vegans – No milk, No cheese - Damn those fat a$$es!

Jains (A sect in Indian subcontinent)- No tomatoes, potatoes garlic or onions- Damn those Onion eaters!

Vegetarians- No animals, but animal products like milk, cheese is ok ! Damn those meat eaters!

Hindus – No cows because cow is god! Damn you beef eaters!

Muslims and Jews – No Pigs! Damn you Bacon eaters!

Christians – No humans, because humans are humans! F@$& you Cannibals!

Cannibals - "We don't discriminate" - Damn you all!

Would you care if somebody else eats you (assuming you are a human and not a chicken)? Hmm, I say I could care less, I am dead right? 

 

 Each of the  above groups would like to admit people from other group! But trust me if you think it is hard for a Veggie to convert to meat eater than you would be surprised! It is even harder for meat eater to become veggie!

 I do enjoy the occasional naked protesting by PeTA. That is the only time all the people would be willing to eat lettuce neatly covering the required organs.

This eternal fight between Vegans and Carnivores will continue till the end of time. 

Me writing anything or you reading anything won’t change anything, So just Let me be! 

This fight is very much like stupid religious leaders fighting among each other claiming that their religion is best…To all the religious leaders, shouldn't you be asking your self, “have you ever tried eating tandoori chicken?”

An Open Letter to my wife…..

<Normally, open letters are never read by the meant recipient. I am trying to change that. BTW this is not a cheesy love letter! >

May 16^th 2013 is our Second Marriage anniversary. Staying apart for two years after Marriage was not only difficult but also expensive. It was only in December that we actually started living together and that was the end of my bachelorhood. No more careless living for me!

Living with one of your friend is a good experience. But I forgot that a friend is different from a wife…….

We had a house of our own for first time and we decided to decorate it. Here comes the change. Obviously as a self-respecting woman like you have opinions about everything I do!  And supposedly my tastes are poor! 

Soon I learned how dirty I am, and raising the toilet seat is more important than using the toilet, itself! I also realized that one towel is  not enough to clean myself. I need one towel for my hair, one for my face and one for rest of my body.

As a married man you lose many freedoms. Freedom to fart freely and unhindered is the most I miss. (BTW women fart too!)

Marriage changes the type of movies you see. The definition of 'classics' for Girls are very different from 'classics' for men. I soon found out  ‘Sex and the City’ and  ‘Pretty Woman’ are classics and I should watch them without questioning any logic. And the movies I mostly see are noir and stupid!

Marriage also changed my perception towards television. 'The Bachelor', for me was just one of the stupid reality shows. But after seeing hot girls in skimpy bikinis fighting for a guy, really opened my eyes! Television is simply wonderful. I have faith in humanity now.

I thank my YOU for that!

I started liking ‘Runway’, ‘Flea Market Flip’, ‘Meet the Kardashians’ and ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’.

‘BBC World’, ‘National Geographic’, ‘Discovery Channel’ and ‘Top Gear’ are stupid and meaningless channels.
I also realize that I would not get to touch the remote control unless it is far, somewhere out of your reach !

Another thing that I lost was freedom to sleep in peace (no double entendre here!). I have to be a ninja even when I sleep. Knees in the ribcage, slap in my face are a common occurrence. I expect to be pushed off the bed anytime during the night.  Might be you have a anger in  back your mind and starve to take revenge!

I also realize that having you sitting besides me while I drive, is so important. Without your 'side-seat driving advise', I would be a dead driver. You are the one to keep me alive at every nook and corner of the dangerous streets (all the streets)!

I would also like to thank you for  bearing with my 'good' habbits:

- I realize at times I crack 'crude-non-veg' jokes which would offend any living person but 'once' you took it lightly.

 - I would also advice new grooms that jokes on in-laws are strict NO-NO.

-Snoring is inherent to male population. You are so lucky to experience it!

-Thanks for keeping up  with my spending habits. This explains why you are way richer than me!

- I also realize that I am intruding in your domain by cooking awesome food! Sorry for that!

- It took me two years to learn your last name! Sorry for that again but its not my fault!

Finally , I would not thank you for $2000 'Point and shoot' Camera, You know how crazy I am

Happy Second Anniversary!
~Adi